Busy Week

 This week took a lot out of me. I had two appointments on Monday and another on Tuesday, plus a lot of follow up emails and phone calls. 

Let's start with Monday. My first appointment was at the plastic surgeon's office. I got a lot of information pretty quickly, but the surgeon's nurses were very nice and helpful and I feel like they will be a big help in the future. I didn't vibe as well with the surgeon, but it's possible that I just don't like male doctors. He was also lifting my saggy boob up and telling me where my nipple should be positioned, which was such a very pleasant experience. I also got some nudes taken at the end of the appointment. 

The gist of what was discussed: 

• I will most likely lose my nipple. They said they can build me a new one if I want, or there are tattoo artists who specialize in realistic 3D nipples, but I kinda don't like any of those options. I wouldn't be able to get anything immediately anyway, so I will just mull it over. I'd much rather have some cool artwork there instead, though.
• They will use an implant instead of my own tissue for health reasons. Something about being diabetic? I don't remember the reason, but I'm sure it makes sense. I don't mind having an implant.
• I can get a single mastectomy with a reduction in both breasts. Which is the best news. As the nurse put it, one of the only silver linings of having breast cancer and having to get a mastectomy is getting to pick my breast size after.
• They will not use an implant on the other breast, but use my own tissue and lift it.
• I won't be getting an implant to begin with. They will put in a tissue expander while I heal. This is to form my skin into the correct size slowly, while also insuring that an implant won't interfere with any procedures I have to have after surgery, like chemo. I'll have to go into their office to get it "expanded" weekly. 
• I will also not be getting the reduction on the other side immediately. That will happen at the end of all of my treatment, which could take anywhere from a few months to a year and a half.

The second appointment was kind of a nightmare. I finally saw the oncologist, who was the deciding factor in whether I would get radiation treatment or surgery first. I've basically spent a month going to other appointments just to get information, because I couldn't move forward with any kind of treatment until I saw this doctor. The waiting room was full, and the reception staff were all on the phone. The waiting patients were quiet, but the staff were all huddled up together behind the reception desk, yelling instructions over the phone, but speaking quietly to patients checking in, and with masks on it was nearly impossible to know who was speaking and whether it was to me or not, as no one was acknowledging anyone in front of them. Just speaking instructions to no one in particular. This was also the case with the nurse taking my vitals. It was all a bit cold. 

We waited even longer in a room for the doctor's nurse practitioner to come in and ask some questions. Her name was Candy and she was nice and personable and funny. She asked me if I had children and/or if I wanted children. No, to both, I have a dog and I'm fine with that. She said she was the same way and totally understood. More points for Candy. We waited even longer after that for the doctor to come in. She stood very close to me, which was a little unnerving as it was our first meeting, but I suppose she was trying to be comforting given the circumstances. The cancerstances. Anyway, I repeated all of the information I'd already given Candy, and she asked me what every other doctor has said on the matter. I'm pretty sure it's all on my damn chart, but whatever. Everything was dependent on what she thought was the best course of action was. She said they probably wouldn't be able to shrink it significantly beforehand, and since the surgeon was leaning toward a mastectomy anyway, it wouldn't make sense to delay that any further. Which is fine, but this honestly could have been handled over the phone instead of me waiting around other high-risk people during a pandemic for 2 fucking hours. It was exhausting.

The oncologist also asked if I wanted children, and when I said no, she asked me to think about it and make sure. She said sometimes after chemo, premenopausal women don't menstruate anymore, and sometimes they do. She said they could freeze my eggs before we start chemo so I would still have the option. Hubs and I had a short chat about it on the way home, and we agreed that we don't want children right now, and we had previously accepted that our views may change, but they haven't yet. Regardless, we don't want children enough to pay for the extraction, freezing, and storage of eggs plus in vitro fertilization. We agreed that if we want children badly enough down the road, we can always adopt or foster, or just get more animals. Not to mention that the idea of being pregnant kind of terrifies me. My body has been through enough at this point. I do not need something growing inside of me and pushing my organs around.

Tuesday we met with the surgeon again. It was short and to the point. Singular mastectomy with reconstruction/reduction. Recovery would be 2 weeks. I could leave the hospital the morning after. Only thing left was to schedule it. We were retrieved by the scheduler to her office to sign some paperwork and schedule everything. Immediately I got some weird Umbridge vibes, but if Umbridge was old school religious? She was pleasant on the outside but also very distant. Like, she was trying to be personable but it didn't reach all the way. She also had some very cutesy "live laugh love" aesthetics all around her office, including a picture of her and her husband and 2 (maybe 3) kids. But, they were all facing away from her? There was some plexiglass up around her desk (because of miss 'Rona) and all of these pictures were on the outside of the glass facing toward the chairs for patients to sit. She also wore a floor length skirt and hair that looked like it had never been cut and when she walked she clasped her hands together in front of her. IDK why she left such an impression on me, maybe it was the way she spoke with very little emotion while also trying to comfort me, but it all just felt weird. We left before scheduling anything because she had to coordinate with the other surgeon, so she said she would give me a call when they'd picked a date. She gave me a sheet with highlighted information and went through all of it like a very strict teacher speaking to a child. 

 [As a sidenote, I understand this woman is just doing her job and probably has to deal with people         Having Cancer all of the time, but like, so has everyone else I've encountered? And I got no Umbridge vibes from anyone else. I'm JUST SAYING.]

The rest of the week was a series of emails and phone calls. 

Emails to HR about Short Term Disability and Family Medical Leave. I say HR, but it's actually the benefits department. HR finally forwarded them my original email after I sent them another email asking why no one was answering me. The benefits woman tried to answer all of my questions and sent me some paperwork but it was all still worded in a very confusing way, and I think I've only just started to wrap my head around it all after speaking to my hubs and my mom and my mother-in-law and my doctor. And after all of that, I think I may just end up using my personal time off since they will pay my full salary and I have a lot of it saved up. I will definitely be applying for FMLA later down the line, and probably also short term disability, but I need to save it for chemo and other surgeries and in case of any complications. 

Phone call from Mormon Umbridge dictating 3 appointments that I neglected to write down because I was almost asleep when she called, but I think I remember the times. I tried to ask her if I would get a reminder phone call for them, but I couldn't think straight at the time. I am blaming her Umbridge vibes. Also blaming the cancer that has nothing to do with my brain function.

Phone call from the plastic surgeon's office about some paperwork I need to fill out and payment. Everything goes through my insurance, but since it is January, none of my deductible has been met. It just so happens that the plastic surgery costs slightly under my deductible, which is honestly cheaper than I thought it would be, but still a larger chunk of change than one usually has at their disposal. She said I didn't have to pay all of it right now, but they would need a portion of it before the surgery. She sent me an email with all the paperwork and the estimate split into thirds. After talking with hubs, we will most likely just pay all of it upfront after moving some stuff around. 

Virtual visit from my primary doctor after I sent her some FMLA paperwork. I think she just wanted to touch base with me about everything that is happening first. At that point I had decided to wait to fill out the FMLA until absolutely necessary, because I don't know how long this whole process will take. So she told me she'd do whatever I needed her to do, and she would just sit on the paperwork for now, but I could also get one of my other doctors to fill it out later if I needed to. She said she didn't pray much but she would be thinking about me. I told her I didn't either, and I appreciated it. Have I mentioned that I adore my doctor? She's the best.

We also got our new couch delivered on Friday, so I will be able to rest and recuperate in comfort. Here is a picture of River AWOOing in front of it. It's covered in blankets because she sheds like it's her fucking job, and occasionally she leaks stinky juices out of her butt.