Hey friends.
Not a lot has been happening this year, but I have a few updates.
Something about my treatment has triggered psoriasis. I've never had it before, but both of my parents have it. It popped up last year around the time my treatment began, I just didn't realize what it was as there was so much else going on. At one point I thought it might have been a rash related to my Zoladex shot, but after getting a skin biopsy at a dermatologist, they have confirmed that it is psoriasis. I have two different topical medications for it, and I'll have to deal with that for a while before we try any kind of oral medication. Because I have psoriasis, that has also increased the possibility of psoriatic arthritis. They asked if I had any painful joints, which I do. My hips have hurt on and off for a few years and recently I find it difficult to move my shoulders. So they will be referring me to a rheumatologist for testing. I haven't heard from them yet, but at some point I'll be getting a phone call about that.
I've continued to get monthly Zoladex shots at the cancer center, and they have continued to be unorganized and kind of a pain in the ass. That's not to mention the pain of the actual shot, and the fact that they are $500. Fortunately, someone signed me up for a discount, so they were only $50 before I hit my deductible. I wasn't a fan of the American health system before I had cancer, but now it's just gotten worse. I've had a few finance related meltdowns because of it.
Because of the cost and the fact that I frequently have to wait an hour or more to get a shot that takes 5 minutes, I've decided to have another surgery. My actual cancer treatment is an aromatase inhibitor, but it doesn't work in pre-menopausal women. The Zoladex shot suppresses the function of my ovaries, putting me through a forced medical menopause. I believe the idea is that after the treatment, which will last for 10 years, and after I go off of Zoladex, my ovaries could possibly start functioning again. However, I don't really see the point of that. I was on the fence about children anyway, and now with all of my genetics in mind, I don't think I want to pass any of this on. In 10 years I'll be 45, and probably couldn't have children anyway. At least not without a lot of complications. Also, the idea of pregnancy and giving birth just doesn't really appeal to me.
In March I met with a gynecologic oncologist to talk about the possibility of removing my ovaries to help with my treatment. The meeting went well, the surgery is pretty minor, and the recovery time is short. She said the only thing is I will actually go through menopause after the fact. I've already been experiencing symptoms, so I don't think it will be much different. I decided to go ahead with the surgery, which is scheduled in mid-June; in about 2 weeks.
I'm trying to come to terms with all of my body issues; the physical as well as mental/emotional. I doubt my struggles will stop anytime soon, and I'll have to worry about bone mass as well as other types of arthritis that runs in my family. Just more to add to my pile of anxiety. I really wish I didn't have to go to work on top of all of this. I'm finding it harder and harder to deal with people being around me. I get very overwhelmed by noise and find it hard to concentrate if there is too much going on. I don't think I realized how loud people really are. Coughing, sniffing, blowing noses, and chewing set me off on a daily basis. I wear headphones as much as I can and I have some earplugs that dull sound, but they aren't very comfortable. The biggest problem is I kind of have to listen to people talking for my job. While other people are also talking at the same time. My threshold for auditory overload is very low nowadays.
Things would be a lot easier if I could control my surroundings, but I guess that is true for everyone.
